Whew, Life Purpose... you are a doozy!
I'm not alone in this, am I? That ever nagging feeling that I'm not living my life purpose. The questioning... is this my life purpose? And what about those lovely moments where I NAILED IT! YES! I FINALLY FOUND IT!!!!! Only for the cycle to repeat again (sound the sad trombones - wah waaaaah).
I recently had a trifecta of a weekend. I had the honor of being labor and delivery support for a dear friend having a sweet baby girl the same day I was supposed to attend a funeral. Now if that doesn't get'cha questioning what life is all about, why we're here and really, what is the fucking point!? then I don't know what would. As my existential ponderings continued into Sunday and exhaustion fully set in, my brain wasn't able to spin it's magical, tiresome circles around a topic in the way it normally does, considering aaaaaaaall the angles. I suppose it's what meditation would feel like if I were a meditator. Internal chatter was silenced, the itchy need to 'do something' was vacuumed away by fatigue and all I could do was move from one resting spot to another, alternating between watching the trees sway in the breeze to listening to birds happily chirp to taking in the stunning vibrancy of an early fall day. It was HEAVEN! I felt monk-like. As if I had just emerged from some ashram in India after a 10 day cleanse. Clear. Unburdened by my monkey mind musings. Open.
Let me get back to the third spoke of my trifecta wheel weekend for a moment. Mine was also shared with a trifecta of another sort for our solar system too: A Lunar (Blood) Eclipse, nearest the equinox (Harvest) and closest to earth making it appear 14% larger (Super!). Yes, a Blood Harvest Super Moon! I either wanted to dance naked around a tribal fire or stock up on water and batteries. I chose the middle ground: my fella and I being rather fond of nature decided that despite a really long weekend that we would rally and go witness this spectacle.
As we're perched up on a hill far out in the fields of our country town, wrapped in cozy blankets, pillows and camping chairs a new sense begins to emerge between us. The quiet, clear mind and openness of earlier started to give birth to another feeling. No, not of the romantic persuasion as you might expect, but one of awe. We started to really tune into the sounds and sights around us. Sweet Killdear bird calls, surprising us on such a chilly fall evening. Coyote yips and howls from the bordering tree lines. Stars emerging, others careening across the sky only to burn out in the atmosphere. And the moon, my dear sweet magical moon. Armed with binoculars to take in more detail of this stunning glow ball of reflected light. I start to feel this sense of awe grow in me like The Grinch's heart grows. To a point where the words just flowed out of my heart (note: decidedly not my brain) and through my lips: "What if life really isn't about purpose? What if it's really about privilege?" *Existential body slam*
Privilege. That was a new consideration for me in the existential sense. What other creatures on this planet, or in this solar system have the capacity to not only take in the environment around them, but also measure their place in it the way human beings can? Foxes don't pause to really smell the roses. Beetles don't sit back and relish in the beauty of a fellow beetle laughing in the sunlight. Do grubs consider whether the grub next door has a better patch of dirt? I doubt it. I started to really consider what a gift I've been given to really be able to see this world for all the magnificence it holds and to truly show appreciation for being able to just witness it. So maybe purpose is wrong in a way... wrong not in that we're meant to do something, but wrong in that there's something more to do than just to show our gratitude for the gift we've been given. Purpose then blossoms into how we show that appreciation.
When you're the recipient of an overly generous offering, you may be of the ilk to write a thank you note, or perhaps you want to take the giver to lunch and connect. Maybe as a result of that sweet gift you now feel permission to create the art that's been dying to be set free out of you. Or maybe you simply just move about your day with a gentle smile on your face, spreading that gratitude to everyone you brush your energy against.
So now I urge you to pause. ponder.
How do you want to show your thanks to this world for it's gifts to you? Fight for it's water conservation? Recycle? Work to make other humans happier? Live off the grid? Go out, travel, and see ALL the marvels it has to offer? We all do it differently, based on what feels good to us, but the WHY comes from the same place - gratitude. You now get to begin your thoughtful creation process. Instead of waiting for divine inspiration or karma or your mom to show you why you got to be here and someone else didn't. Show thanks. Every ding dong day. You get to choose how. Your life purpose is not what you or someone/something says it is, it's how you show your appreciation.
I'll go first. I choose to show my appreciation by helping others connect. Helping them to connect with the magnificence of their body, the inspiring anatomy and physiology that happens without us even paying attention. Connecting humans to plants - these long forgotten green healers, sources of nourishment, of beauty and life. Honoring ways in which we get to know these sweet green ones, how we use the plants for food or medicine or art, how we walk upon them during the day and sleep upon them at night. And connecting us with one another, creating community, a tribe - a long lost source of life nourishment. Disconnection has more drastic effects than eating nutrient light food. It's our biology to be a part of a group for survival.
I feel grateful everyday, some days mega gratitude other days thankful I woke up. I wish the same feeling for you. For me, living from a place of awe and having unexpected gifts bestowed upon me is pretty. freaking. magical.
Ok, now it's your turn. How does the privilege of you being present on this earth, to witness its magic and be magic yourself radiate out of you in the form of thanks? I'd love to hear about it! Thanks for reading, friend :)